


Too Late To Take the Time

by canthelpmyselves



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Medical Experimentation, Medical Procedures, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:23:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canthelpmyselves/pseuds/canthelpmyselves
Summary: He never took much notice of Bruce Banner. It wasn't like the guy was very useful. The Hulk was the true Avenger. He was the one with the power and the strength. Banner was just... weak.





	Too Late To Take the Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU that sort of blends small tidbits from the comics and Earth's Mightiest Heroes into the MCU. I also make small references to Charles Xavier and Reed Richards, but they don't actively enter the story. It's told mostly from Hawkeye's POV.
> 
> This story actually started from a talk I was having with my oldest son about Bruce Banner and the Hulk and how sad Banner always seemed. It evolved slowly as we discussed depression and anger to the point where I started writing it down.

(December)

The battle was over and the team began to converge on a single spot. Clint scavenged as many of his used arrows as he could find before heading to the quinjet where the rest of the team was waiting. Tony was battered and little less shiny than usual. Steve was actually a bit winded. Thor was grumbling that he was hungry. Nat was pouting over a damaged bite bracelet. With their enemies dispatched, the Hulk had wandered off again and Clint knew he would need to find the brute before he came across something else to make him angry.

As Clint fired up the engines, he took a second to think about the Hulk. The guy was pretty useful in a fight. Single-minded, for the most part, with his ‘smash everything’ mentality, but still useful. He seemed to be capable of distinguishing good guy from bad, thankfully. Of course, the alter ego wasn’t quite as useful, but you had to take the good with the bad. Not that Dr. Banner was bad, exactly, it’s just that he was… well, weak. He couldn’t fight like Thor or Nat. He couldn’t plan attacks or defenses like Steve or Tony. He was a science geek. Not even an inventor, like Tony. He just played with chemicals or something. Not much use, if you asked Clint. Plus, he was milquetoast. Plain as oatmeal. Clint didn’t think the guy ever smiled, much less laughed. 

A beep from the sensors alerted him to the Hulk’s proximity. Clint checked the monitor and chuckled when he finally spotted Banner. He had changed back and passed out just outside of the city. He changed direction and headed that way. One good thing about Banner, he was much easier to bring aboard than the Hulk was.

===A===

(February)

Clint was yawning as he stepped into the communal kitchen, intent on getting some breakfast before heading to the archery range on the sixth floor. He headed straight for the fridge, almost bumping into someone coming around the kitchen island. 

“Shit! Sorry, man,” Clint said, almost knocking the guy’s cup out of his hands. He blinked a couple of times before placing the face in front of him. He rarely saw Banner unless there was an emergency. It was usually the Hulk he spent time around. Over the last six weeks, he had grown quite fond of the creature. The Hulk was like a big toddler. Okay, a VERY big toddler, but the analogy worked. As long as no one attacked him or laughed at him, the Hulk was pretty docile. Plus, he called Clint ‘Cupid’ which was kinda cool.

“I apologize, Agent Barton,” Banner mumbled, awkwardly shuffling around him and hurrying to the exit.

“No prob,” Clint replied, frowning as he watched the other man practically run away. Huh. That was odd, right? Banner acted like he was scared of him. After a couple of seconds Clint shrugged it off. Not his fault the man was a wimp. He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a carton of milk. With luck, there was still half a box of fruit loops.

===A===

(April)

Clint grimaced as he looked at the clock. A few weeks ago, Fury had sent the Avengers notice that they would be having a guest for a few weeks. Some ex-surgeon-turned-mystical-warrior guy named, oddly enough, Dr. Strange. Apparently he was going to be working with SHIELD on analyzing some magical doodads Thor had located. Clint didn’t mind that, so much, as the fact he and Nat were being taken off active duty to help provide some extra security around the Avengers Tower.

Clint hated being off duty. He was an adrenaline junkie and not ashamed to admit it. Sitting around the tower for the next month was going to be so damn boring! Nat found his disgruntlement (it wasn’t whining, dammit!) amusing. She was looking forward to the visit. Something about Strange being ‘intriguing’. With a heavy sigh he left his floor and headed down to the living room for the fancy dinner Pepper had planned. When he entered the room he immediately located Nat. She was standing near the windows, smiling warmly at a tall man with black hair. There was a little gray at his temples and he had sharp green eyes and a lean build. He was wearing a long blue tunic and red cape. Clint could see why Nat had been looking forward to this visit. He was just her type.

Tony was pouring himself a glass of scotch near the bar, talking with Steve and Thor. Pepper and Jane were standing near the fireplace, casting glances at Strange, giggling softly. Clint knew better than to interrupt Nat when she was flirting, so he started to head to the bar just as Banner appeared in the doorway. He was a bit surprised, to be honest. Banner rarely took over anymore. Most of the time it was Hulk who was out, which suited Clint just fine. Hulk was much more entertaining.

“Doc,” he greeted, nodding his head. He paused when Banner ignored him. That was unusual. No matter how awkward he was, Banner was unfailingly polite. Maybe he hadn’t heard him? He turned to repeat his greeting but stilled when he noticed the look on Banner’s face. He looked so bashful. Clint was surprised by how adorable the scientist looked.

“Dr. Banner? Bruce Banner?”

Clint turned, and watched curiously as Strange approached Banner with a smile and extended arm.

“Dr. Banner, it is a great pleasure to meet you,” Strange said warmly. 

Banner’s face turned pink and he shyly dropped his gaze to the hand in front of him. He hesitantly reached out and shook it. “Dr. Strange, the pleasure is mine,” he mumbled. “We have a mutual acquaintance, I believe. Leo Samson?”

Strange smiled wider. “Please, call me Stephen. Yes, Leonard has told me a great deal about you. I have been looking forward to meeting you in person. Hopefully we will have plenty of time to grow acquainted.”

Banner paled a bit, not looking at Strange, but letting his eyes dart around the room as if uncomfortable. “Oh, um, I… I’m not around much,” he admitted hesitantly. “I mostly work in my lab when I am. Unless there’s an emergency...” his voice trailed off awkwardly.

“Then I shall just have to visit you there,” Strange said, seemingly unconcerned. “If that is alright with you.”

Banner finally met the newcomer’s eyes, his expression confused and a bit alarmed. “I-I guess so,” he mumbled.

“Wonderful,” Strange replied, a hint of delight in his tone.

Clint watched Strange begin explaining his reason for visiting while Banner just looked like a deer in the headlights. By the time Pepper announced it was time for their meal, he was feeling more than a little uncomfortable. Formal dinner always gave him indigestion.

==A==

One of the things Clint liked best about the tower was the ducts. He could go anywhere in the building, unseen, by using the maze of duct work. Usually he used this access to annoy Tony. Dropping down into locked areas and rearranging things. Dropping down into unlocked areas and resetting the alarm. Dropping smoke pellets into Tony’s bedroom while he was asleep. That sort of thing. Today he had decided, on a whim, to see what Banner was up to. He hadn’t seen the scientist, or Jade Jaws, in four days. Not since the welcome dinner for Strange, in fact. Not that it was unusual to go weeks, or even a full month, without seeing Banner. He was just curious as to why Hulk wasn’t around.

Banner’s lab and Hulk’s quarters took up the entirety of the third floor. One reason was, if Hulk got angry unexpectedly, he wasn’t far from the ground. The floor was also triple reinforced just in case of that happening. Another reason was that the first floor was little more than a hotel-like lobby and the second floor was storage. The sixth floor held a gym and archery range. The fifth floor was communal, where the living room, dining room, kitchen and so on were. The fourth was a massive library. Banner’s floor was, essentially, isolated. He didn’t have to worry about bothering anyone with the sounds of his equipment or the smells of his chemicals. Plus, Hulk didn’t like people around when he was asleep. 

Clint wormed his way through the labyrinth without a sound. He could hear murmuring, which just made him even more curious. He knew Tony was in Miami with Pepper for a stockholder retreat. Steve and Nat were on the helicarrier. Thor was on the roof, making use of the pool. He reached one of the grates and peered down carefully. He couldn’t see anyone, but the voices were much clearer.

“...find it fascinating. I do not wish to make you uncomfortable, Dr. Banner. May I call you Bruce?”

“Um, I suppose.”

“Very well, Bruce,” the other man said warmly, “and you really must call me Stephen.”

“O-of course,” Banner stammered.

“As I was saying, I do not wish to make you uncomfortable, but I am quite curious about your work as an Avenger.”

“You mean the Hulk,” Banner mumbled. “I am not an Avenger. He is.”

“You separate yourself so deeply? The Hulk is you, is he not?”

“Well, y-yes,” Banner answered. “But h-he’s the fighter. I’m just… I’m not…” Banner sighed softly. “Calling m-me an Avenger is like calling Steve’s shield an Avenger. Or B-Barton’s bow.”

Clint frowned as he listened to Banner. It wasn’t that he disagreed, but those words resonated with him. Why did they sound so familiar? It took a moment but he finally remembered a conversation with Nat from a few months ago. He had said almost the exact same thing during a press conference. Reporters had been firing questions at Fury and Coulson about allowing the Hulk to roam free, and Fury had said Banner had the Hulk under control and that, as an Avenger, he had teammates to help him. Clint had leaned closer to his partner and scoffed ‘my bow is more of an Avenger than the egghead is’. How did Banner know about… shit! Banner had been there! He must have overheard!

“I disagree,” Strange said in a soft tone. “I think you are not giving yourself enough credit. And anyone who does not see your worth is not worth your regard.”

Clint’s jaw clenched and his hands curled into fists as an unexpected surge of shame washed through him. He barely noticed the lab door opening and closing. After a long moment, he began crawling through the ducts again, heading up to the archery range. He felt the need to blow off some steam.

===A===

(September)

Clint has seen some fucked up shit in his life. Hell, he had done some fucked up shit. But this? This was a whole new level of fucked up. 

Clint and Nat guarded the doors to the lab while Tony and Steve tried to figure out how to release Banner. It had been four months since the military had ‘arrested’ Banner for supposedly destroying another helicarrier. Four months since ‘Stephen Strange’ had convinced everyone that Banner allowing himself to be taken into temporary custody without causing problems would be best. Four months since Banner disappeared, the military claiming he had escaped and was on the run.

It had been three months since Tony had discovered that the man they believed to be Stephen Strange was actually an impostor, send there specifically to gain Banner’s trust and lure him into General Ross’ control. It took 94 days to discover where Ross had taken Banner. It only took 47 minutes to infiltrate the hidden mountain base and find the lab Banner was held in.

Clint was pretty sure he was never going to forgive himself for not finding Banner sooner.

“Thor!” Tony growled. “We need you to carry him out!”

Clint glanced back over his shoulder and immediately wished he hadn’t. The sight of Banner’s pale, emaciated body, still covered in dried blood, poorly stitched wounds and deep bruises was going to haunt him for a long time to come. 

“Let’s move, people,” Tony growled as he stalked toward the door. Nat and Clint checked the corridor before stepping out and leading the way back through the underground tunnels they had come through. No one said anything, but Clint could practically feel the fury and guilt rolling off of each one of them.

As soon as they were back outside Thor took to the air, Tony flying right beside him. Nat took in a shaky breath and looked at Clint. “They’ll get there faster than us,” she explained, her tone not quite as clinical as she probably hoped it was.

Clint nodded and started running back to where they had left the quinjet. For once he didn’t feel like making any jokes or sarcastic comments. He just wanted to get away from here as quickly as possible.

===A===

No one slept longer than a short catnap. Thor, Steve, Nat, Tony and Pepper were beginning to look as exhausted as he felt. Thirty-three hours after the rescue Jane, Thor's doctor girlfriend, finally emerged from the Tower’s med-area to let them know Banner was alive. For now.

“He’s still in critical danger,” she explained, “and there’s a high risk of him going into shock. His heart rate and breathing are under duress, so we’re having to rely on intubation and an external pacemaker for the time being. He’s severely dehydrated, undernourished, and there is a strong cocktail of drugs in his system that we’re trying to flush out. We think they were trying to keep Hulk suppressed while still accessing his resilience and healing.” 

She paused and dropped down into a chair, dragging her hand through her hair. “They…” she closed her eyes and sucked in a shaky breath. “There’s a lot of damage he will have to heal. It’s possible that hulking out will fix most of it, but we think he’ll go into cardiac arrest unless we can get him stable first.”

Jane stood back up, swaying tiredly. “Eric is watching over him for now, and I’ll take over after I get some rest. If he makes it through the next 24 hours, I’m pretty certain he’ll live.”

Pepper stepped forward and wrapped an arm around the brunette’s waist. “Let’s get you to a bed,” she said gently. 

Clint stood and walked out of the debriefing room and down the hall. The med-room was brightly lit, allowing him an unimpeded look at the occupants. Eric Selvig, a specialist Jane often worked with, was standing near some machines, checking the tubing and wires that led from them to the prone figure on the bed. Even from this distance he could see the freckles across Banner’s nose and cheeks. His hair was no longer stiff and stained with blood, the brown curls creating a halo around his head. The plastic tube going down his throat made Clint swallow convulsively. He placed a hand on the thick glass separating them and sighed softly.

“Come on, Banner,” he whispered. “You gotta keep breathing just a bit longer. Then you can let Jade Jaws out and he’ll fix everything.”

===A===

He woke up groggy and bleary-eyed. It took a couple of seconds for him to realize Nat was watching him carefully. Banner had made it through the night, but had still been in critical condition when exhaustion had finally dragged him under. Clint rubbed at his eyes before looking up at her. “Hey. Any news?” he asked.

She hesitated a moment before nodding. “Hulk’s back,” she said softly. “Ten minutes ago.”

Clint froze for a couple of heartbeats before jumping up from the bench and rushing out of his quarters. He raced down the corridor, skidding to a stop when he saw the rest of the team, and several armed agents, standing in front of the med-room. Looking past them, he spotted Hulk, standing in the center of the room, surrounded by destroyed machinery. Clint dodged the hand Steve put out, ducking underneath Tony’s arm and slipping into the room.

“Jade Jaws,” he whispered. Hulk’s coloring was off. He looked sickly.

Hulk spun, brow furrowed and hands clenched. For a moment Clint feared the big guy didn’t recognize him. Then Hulk huffed and plopped down on the floor as if tired. “Cupid,” he grumbled.

Clint grinned and raced forward, throwing his arms around his best friend. “You’re back!” he said with relief. “Dammit, buddy! I’ve been worried as hell!” Hulk tensed before pushing Clint away. The archer frowned and studied Hulk closely. “Hulk? You’re not still hurting, are you? I know Banner was hurt, but are you still feeling it?”

Hulk glared at him for a few seconds before looking away. “Hulk not hurt.”

Clint reached out but the giant Avenger shuffled out of reach. “Whoa, Jade Jaws, It’s me, Cupid. Your best buddy. What’s wrong?”

Hulk glanced at him briefly from the corner of his eye. “Gave puny Banner to Ross,” he muttered.

Clint felt a wave of guilt crash over him. “We were tricked, buddy,” he said weakly. “You gotta know we would never...”

“Gave Banner to Ross!” Hulk roared. 

Clint dropped his head, unable to argue. He tensed when he saw a shadow beside his own. 

“Hulk,” Steve said gently. “We got you out as fast as we could. We’re so sorry.”

Hulk snorted but didn’t look at them again. “Hulk tired. Want bed.”

Clint nodded, feeling helpless. “Okay, big guy,” he mumbled. 

Hulk pushed himself up to his feet and stalked out of the med-room. He ignored everyone standing in the hall, not even slowing down when Tony reached out toward him. Once he was out of sight, Pepper wrapped her arms around Tony’s waist.

“He just needs some time,” she said softly.

Clint felt as if he had been dropped into an icy river. He hoped she was right, but he was worried she was wrong.

===A===

Hulk was docile as a lamb. He followed Steve’s battle plans to the letter. He helped Tony test out his new suit. He let Jane and Eric run whatever tests on him they wanted when they came to check on him. That was the extent of his cooperation, though. He wouldn’t talk unless it was Avenger business. He stayed in his room most of the time. He wouldn’t even come out for game night or his favorite movie. 

Clint was getting more and more worried with each passing day. It was obvious the chemicals Ross had used were still affecting Hulk. His coloring was still a weird olive green and his speech would get slurred on occasion. His mass was smaller, too. Jane said he was under 800 lbs now and about five inches shorter than normal.

More importantly, he stayed Hulk. In the four weeks since Banner had changed and let him out, Hulk had stayed himself. It wasn’t his longest stint in control of the shared body, but it was definitely unexpected. They kept waiting for Banner to take over so he could tell them what all had happened while captured. Banner wouldn’t even change back so Jane could check on his health. When she asked Hulk to change he simply said no. When Steve tried to insist, he locked himself in his rooms. The big guy even managed to initiate some kind of lockout that Banner had slipped into the AI's coding that kept JARVIS from opening his doors. Tony had spent seven frustrating hours trying to override it, but whatever Banner had done held up. Which is why Clint was now scaling down the side of the Tower to break into Hulk’s room.

Clint perched on the narrow ledge and cautiously peeked in the window. He didn’t see Banner or Hulk, and the lights were off with the curtains mostly closed. It was lucky the window, itself, was open, letting in fresh air. Clint slung one leg over the sill and slipped inside silently. The kitchen and living areas were empty, so he crept down the hall toward the back. 

The first door led to a large bathroom. The next was a small bedroom. There were a few books on a desk and a pair of khaki pants on the end of the bed. Looking around, Clint realized this was Banner’s room. He was surprised by how empty it looked. Other than the books, a half full closet of clothing and a yoga mat, there was nothing else on display. No photos, no personal effects, nothing. Everything was covered in a thin layer of dust. It was more than a little worrying. Clint stepped back into the hall and moved to the last door. He carefully pushed it open and tensed when he saw Hulk glaring at him from the center of a massive bad. Pasting a big smile on his face, Clint stepped inside and walked closer.

“Hey, big guy,” he said cheerfully. “Been missing you.”

“Cupid should leave,” Hulk grumbled.

Clint sighed and let the smile drop. “Come on, Jade Jaws,” he whined. “You’ve been hiding out in here for over a week. The only time we’ve seen you is in battle or for training. We’re best friends. Talk to me.”

“Don’t wanna,” Hulk said sullenly.

“Look, I get it,” Clint said, moving closer. “You have every right to be mad at us. We screwed up. We’re so sorry, Hulk. But you’ve been sulking for a month. Time to perk up, big guy.”

“Gave Banner to Ross,” Hulk snarled.

Clint huffed and shot Hulk a glare of his own. “And we came and got you guys back!”

Hulk shook his head. “Birdbrain!” he growled. “Got Hulk, not Banner! Banner gone!” Hulk stumbled from his bed, towering over the archer. “No Banner!” he shouted, jabbing a huge finger at his head. “Gone! Gone! Gone!”

Clint gasped and his knees almost buckled. What? Surely Hulk wasn’t saying… No! That was impossible! Right? He swallowed several times, fighting back the bile in his throat. “Banner is… gone?” he managed to whisper.

Hulk continued to glare at him for several seconds before dropping down on his ass and whimpering softly. His angry expression morphed into a weird combination of fear and pleading. “Can’t hear him,” Hulk admitted sadly, one hand cupping the back of his head. “No whispers. No helping.” He sniffled and looked at Clint worriedly. “Hulk alone,” he mumbled.

Clint slowly moved forward until he could place his hands on Hulk’s shoulder’s. He licked his dry lips nervously before taking in a deep breath. “We need to tell the others,” he said softly. “They can help, okay?”

Hulk sniffled and after a few seconds he gave a nod. He lurched to his feet and began shuffling out of the room and down the hall. Once they reached the door Hulk sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “There is a God,” he mumbled. Clint had to admit the genius of the code. It wasn't something Tony would ever willingly say.

“Lock-down override confirmed,” JARVIS announced solemnly. “Doors and sensors are back under my control.”

Clint gave his pal a smile as the door slid open and they stepped into the outer hall, but Hulk just walked to the elevator and got inside. 

===A===

The team stared at Clint and Hulk in alarm. After a long moment Steve moved closer to Hulk. “You can’t change back?” he asked weakly.

Hulk sighed heavily and shook his head. Pepper gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. Tony paled, one hand coming up to clutch at his reactor. Clint felt his stomach churn again. No Banner. No Bruce. Only Jade Jaws. For some strange reason, he felt as if his chest was in a vice. Like his ribs were shattered and his organs were mush. He hadn’t felt like this in a long time. Not since… Not since he lost Phil.

“Hulk?” Jane said softly, “I would like to run some tests to see if we can figure out what has happened to Bruce. Is that okay?” 

Hulk nodded slowly and began lumbering toward the door, Eric following closely. Jane paused a moment to hug Thor before hurrying after them. For a long moment no one said anything. Then Steve suddenly stood and stormed out of the room. Pepper turned and wrapped her arms around Tony and buried her face in his shoulder. Clint dropped down onto an armchair and clasped his hands over the back of his neck.

Banner couldn’t be gone. It wasn’t possible. 

===A===

Clint shifted nervously as Jane and Eric walked into Tony’s penthouse. Jane wrapped her arms around Thor and buried her face in his chest. Eric walked straight over to Tony’s bar and poured himself a large drink. After a few minutes Jane shivered and pulled away from Thor. She wiped at her eyes and faced the rest of the team. 

“Hulk has very few memories of what happened while he was captured. In fact, his only memories are from the last day there. Until then, it seems Bruce was able to keep him blocked, kind of asleep in their head. His first memory is of waking up in Bruce’s body, restrained to a table, while two doctors were bandaging his back. There were incisions in Bruce’s back that indicate spinal surgery. Whatever they were attempting, it weakened Bruce and brought Hulk forward, at least mentally. It wasn’t until his body was stable that he was able to change physically.”

Clint tensed, struggling not to latch onto faint hope. “Weakened? So Bruce is still in there?”

Jane and Eric looked at one another, but it wasn’t hopeful. “We’re not sure,” she admitted. “Hulk says that even when he was out, he could always sense Bruce, even though Bruce was just a whisper in his head. Now he says there is no whisper. He says he’s alone, but that there’s a kind of void. He says the void is painful when he thinks hard about it.”

Eric nodded. “We think there’s a chance Bruce is still there, but blocked. He may be trapped behind some kind of mental block.” Eric paused and dragged a hand down his face. “There’s also a pretty good chance that he’s... unwilling to communicate anymore.”

“Why would he be unwilling?” Tony demanded angrily.

Jane hesitated before squaring her shoulders. “When was the last time someone had a conversation with Dr. Banner?” she asked. “A real conversation, not a debriefing or request for Hulk?”

Clint tensed and from the corner of his eye he could see Tony doing the same. 

Jane looked around the group, eyes narrowing slightly. “How about sharing a meal?” No one spoke up. “Training? Watching a movie? Has anyone here ever even just asked him how his day went?”

“Dr, Banner is a very private person,” Natasha said carefully.

“Really?” Eric chuckled humorlessly. “Because I spoke extensively with him both times I visited and found him to be quite amusing and outspoken.”

Jane sighed and shook her head. “I can see why the fake Strange was able to trick him so easily. I strongly suspect that Dr. Banner is clinically depressed and touch starved. From what Hulk has said and what JARVIS disclosed, he has been cut off from almost all human contact and ignored unless the Hulk was needed or wanted. In fact, 85% of his time over the past year has been spent as Hulk. Bruce averaged one day out every three and a half weeks.”

Tony’s hands clenched tightly. “What did JARVIS say?” he demanded. He looked up at the ceiling angrily. “JARVIS! What did you say?”

“I merely explained that Dr. Banner felt the team had no use for his human side,” the AI answered. “Eleven months ago I attempted to remind Dr. Banner of a team party. Dr. Banner explained to me that he was not truly a part of the Avengers, only the Hulk was. That he was made to feel uncomfortable to the point where it was just easier to eat alone or stay in his lab, so he had no intentions of joining the festivities.”

“What?!” Pepper gasped. “That’s not true!”

“Pepper,” Jane said hesitantly, “JARVIS said that the one time Dr. Banner joined the group for a movie night, Clint and Natasha squeezed into an armchair while Thor, Tony, Steve and you crowded into a love seat, leaving him with the entire couch to himself. He was excluded from team building exercises. There are at least four instances of him discovering he was alone in the tower because the team left for missions the Hulk wasn’t needed for, but no one bothered to tell him they would be gone. He tried to convince Steve to teach him to box, but was told there was no need for him to learn to fight since they had Hulk for that.” She shook her head sadly. “JARVIS said no one on the team had even spoken to Bruce for weeks before the fake Strange showed up.”

Eric poured a second drink and sipped it slower. “A beautiful mind and a caring soul, destroyed by indifference,” he mumbled.

“How could this happen?” Tony demanded. “Why the fuck wouldn’t he just say he felt he was not needed or wanted?”

Clint shot to his feet, determined to figure out how to get Banner back. “Now what?” he asked. “How do we fix this?”

Eric downed the rest of his drink and glared at the group. Jane sighed and shook her head. “I’m not sure there’s anything we can do,” she admitted. 

“Why can’t you just find a way a force the change?” Pepper asked. “Then we just talk to Bruce. His body is still in there. Hulk was in it for a full day. You said you think his mind is, too. Maybe once Hulk changes back, Bruce can break free, as well. Then they’d both be healed, right? We would have both of them back.”

“You people just do not get it,” Eric hissed. “You see them as two separate beings!”

“They are,” Natasha said warily.

“No, they aren’t,” Eric shouted. He paused and took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “The Hulk is a piece of Bruce, but Bruce is not just a piece of the Hulk! Without Bruce, there is no Hulk! Do you not see? Bruce survived years without letting the Hulk out, but after only four weeks, Hulk is already showing signs of weakening! His blood pressure is too high. His cognitive skills are deteriorating. Even his motor skills are diminished! He is not healing from whatever was done to Bruce!” 

Eric stomped closer to the group, his face twisted in fury. “The Hulk is but a small piece of Bruce! You clothe him and praise him and give him your friendship and companionship. You welcome him into your lives, but ignore the true man beneath!”

Jane pressed a hand to Eric’s chest and after a moment his shoulders slumped and he turned and left the room, mumbling that he needed to check on Hulk. Jane sighed heavily and looked at Thor. “If the Hulk had been inside Ross, or Loki or just about anyone else, do you think he would still be a hero? It was Bruce, his will, his strength, his compassion, that made the Hulk who he is. The Hulk does not define Bruce, though. He doesn’t change who Bruce is or could be. Who the Hulk is now? It’s because Bruce Banner taught him to be that way.” 

The young doctor shook her head sadly. “No wonder Bruce gave up. To have the people he trusted his safety to, the people who are held up as an example of all that is good and just, only care about a tiny part of him? If it were me, I would have left a long time ago.” Jane sniffled and scrubbed a hand under her eyes. She left the penthouse without another word. Pepper’s soft sobs were the only sound left in the room.

===A===

**Hubris. My father always said it would be my downfall. At the time, merely ten years old, I had no idea what he meant. Of course, since he growled it between lashes of his belt, I paid little attention to the words. Now I understand, though. My arrogance, my greed for knowledge, is what led me here. I was so certain I was smarter than everyone else, and so, I disregarded all precautions and created my own destruction.**

**Cowardice is my legacy. All my life I have been a coward. I hid when my father beat my mother to death. I ran when my peers bullied and hurt me. I ran from my mistakes and I ran from the murderous destruction I caused others. I spent years fearing the other guy, believing him to be nothing more than personified anger, a monster. Now I see that I was looking at things through a mirror. Hulk is not the monster. I am. Hulk is loved. Befriended. Needed. I am just the weak-minded fool who tried to entrap him, or worse, kill him.**

**How many lives has he saved now? How many have I ended? Captain Rogers is right. Hulk is a hero. Children play with toys made in his likeness. Parents dress their children in clothing bearing his image. Tony Stark is right. Hulk is capable of growth, of learning. He deserves to strut, proud of what he has done. He’s saved the world so many times. Agent Barton is right. Hulk is his friend. His partner in battle. He is strong and fierce while I am weak and scared.**

**I know what is happening. I can read the writing on the wall. I spent too many years hiding and running not to recognize manipulation when it is right in front of me. I may not know (although I have my suspicions) who is behind the plan, but it is a sound one. They want me gone. To be honest, I wish they were more forthright about it, but it’s probably my own ego that wants them to just say to my face how they feel.**

**Ross has been explicitly clear in the past that his goal is the complete destruction of Bruce Banner in favor of a weapon of nigh-invulnerability. He wants a machine, unthinking and destructive. He will not get it. How foolish will he feel when he realizes it is not me that gives Hulk his humanity, but the Avengers? Barton, Stark, Thor, Rogers, Miss Potts. They are the ones who make him human, not me.**

**Dr. Strange need not have wasted so much time and cunning to try and ‘convince’ me to hand myself over. A simple request would have done it. My room needs no tidying. My few experiments have been shut down and put away. In a couple of hours I will likely be gone. Lobotomized out of existence. My only concern, at this point, is whether Hulk will be released back to the Avengers, or if he will need to break out. It is probably the latter, but I also know that his friends will not allow him to be separated from them long.**

**For once in my pitiful life, I am going to do the right thing. The brave thing. I will not fight them. I will not run. It’s time to give Hulk the life he always deserved.**

The journal entry he had memorized long ago played through his mind as Clint looked out over the skyline of New York. He sipped the lukewarm beer in his hand without really tasting it. For nine years he had been doing this. A tribute, of sorts. A moment of painful reflection for the man he never bothered to get to know. For the man who had a shit life and unfair death. 

Even now, he still felt the guilt and grief of losing Banner. It had taken months of treatments to stabilize Hulk. Tony had called in every favor he could think of to get specialists in to help. The real Dr. Strange had worked tirelessly to find Banner’s soul. Charles Xavier had used his powers to try and bring back Banner’s mind. Reed Richards had performed delicate, critical surgery to try and repair the damaged portion of Hulk’s brain. It was a complete mystery as to why it hadn’t healed when Hulk had changed from Banner’s body to his own.

It was Pepper who found the journals, tucked inside a vent in the baseboards. A few were filled with formulas and theories. Tony had spent a couple of years trying to further those experiments, despite being an engineer and not a chemist. Eventually he stopped, putting his attention and energy back into his own work and creations.

One had been filled with symbols and numbers. It took SHIELD almost eight months to crack the codes. They were locations, areas Bruce had either hidden before or had planned to hide. The locations of stashes of money and clothes to aid him in his flight. SHIELD had made sure Bruce’s cousin, one of his few living relatives, inherited it all.

The last two were personal, the entries were sporadic and spanned years. Diaries, of a sort. Clint still had them, tucked away safely with his most precious belongings. 

They were terrible to read. A long, torturous descent from eager scientist to desperate victim. Coldly clinical remembrances of an abusive childhood. Guilt-ridden passages cataloging his mistakes and the deaths he had caused. Sorrowful recollections about his attempts to make friends. Loneliness. Depression. Anger. And finally, surrender. He had welcomed the end to the nightmare his life had become. 

Reading those journals had torn Clint in two. He had always thought Banner weak, but after reading those pages, he had come to realize just how strong and brave Banner had truly been. Even now, after all this time, he wished he had been smarter. He wished he had understood just how incredible Banner had been. He wished he had taken the time to get to know the man in person and not just through those scratches of ink. 

Eventually, everyone else stopped talking about Banner. Maybe because of guilt, or maybe just because that’s what humans do, they forget. Even Hulk gradually forgot about his other side. Clint didn’t though. He tried. He did his best to move past the guilt and remorse. He just… couldn’t.

From behind him came the shuffle of large feet on the graveled rooftop. He drank the last sip of his beer and set it aside just as Hulk plopped down beside him. “Hey, big guy,” he said with a faint smile.

“Cupid scouting?” Hulk asked curiously.

Clint shook his head. “Just enjoying the view,” he answered. 

Hulk huffed and looked out with bemusement. “No lights. Hulk like lights better.”

“The lights will be out when the sun sets,” Clint assured him. “It’ll be dark soon.”

“Hmm,” Hulk grumbled. “Tin man get pizza. Say Hulk bring Cupid inside.”

Clint turned to look at the large green body beside him. Years ago Jane and Eric had said Hulk was who he was because of Banner. How right they had been. Without Banner in his head anymore, Hulk no longer grew emotionally. He remained stagnant, never learning more than he already knew. “Hulk… do you ever miss him?” he asked softly.

“Miss who?” Hulk asked, confused.

“Banner. Bruce,” Clint answered gently. “Do you miss him?”

“Who Banner Bruce?” Hulk replied.

Clint sighed and looked away. “Never mind,” he mumbled. “You didn’t know him.”

“Banner Bruce Cupid’s friend?” Hulk asked.

Clint shook his head and forced himself to stand up. “No,” he answered softly. “Just… someone I once met.”

Hulk lumbered up to his feet and shrugged. “Hungry. Go eat now?”

Clint patted his forearm and nodded. “Yeah, Jade Jaws. Let’s go eat.”


End file.
